When you think about communicating with others do you love it or feel challenged by it? Our relationship to communication is often connected both to what our natural aptitude for using words to describe our felt sense is, and our history of getting our needs met when by talking to others.
My work with compassionate communication is based on Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) teachings. My journey towards certification in this modality required seven years of teachings and trainings because NVC is not about the form you use to communicate, but rather your commitment to practicing nonviolence in every part of your life.
How often have you felt pressure to say, think, or do something that was not in alignment with your own deepest longings? How often have you been afraid to interrupt, tell someone “no”, or speak your truth in the face of someone that holds a different belief? For most of us, this is an everyday occurrence because many people experience discomfort when someone disagrees with them. The reasons for this are many, but suffice it to say that we are often caught between our needs for belonging and our need for authenticity. The terms “code switching” and “masking” are familiar to many, and reveal this paradox.
Nonviolent communication focuses on building empathy and understanding by expressing oneself clearly through observations, feelings, needs, and requests, with the aim of creating safe spaces for open dialogue without resorting to aggression or blame. When we are practicing NVC, we are prioritizing compassion and connection over conflict resolution.
Of course, you may find yourself saying, “But I see important conflicts to resolve inside of my life and definitely the world!”. Nonviolent communication allows us to hold space for all of the feelings we are having about whatever concerns us, and acknowledges that forcing anything to happen can give us a perceived sense of control, predictability, and safety in the short term, but is not sustainable because we have likely trounced on someone else’s need for autonomy.
I want to acknowledge any overwhelm that you may experience when seeing how many habits live inside of yourself and the world when you start to orient your consciousness towards nonviolence. Most of us, and definitely the world, have a long way to go. If you’re curious about how Nonviolent Communication could support you in your life, I hope you will consider joining my practice group or scheduling a private session to see how these practices could lead to more harmony and alignment in your personal relationships, your professional setting, or as a community activist.